Assertiveness Helps Keep Teenagers Safe
By Dr. Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.
By at least some estimates, one in three teenage women will be in a controlling, abusive relationship before she graduates from high school;
two-thirds of college freshman women report having been date-raped or having experienced an attempted date rape at least once; and one-fifth
to one-half of U.S. women were sexually abused as children at least once, most of them by an adult male relative.
Sexual violence against women is woven insidiously into the fabric of our society. Every day, millions of Americans see images of violence against women
on TV, in movies and in advertising. Long-term exposure to sexually degrading depictions of women can escalate aggression against women and blur the
line between behavior that is appropriate and behavior that is not.It's not just women who are being victimized. In early 2002, revelations by
40 men that they were sexually abused by Roman Catholic priests as children or teenagers created a crisis within the church.
These statistics highlights the substantial vulnerability of today's young women, many of whom believe that they lack the most basic of sexual rights,
such as the right to not have intercourse if they do not wish to, the right to tell a partner that he is being too rough or the right to use any
form of birth control during intercourse. Why are young women not more sexually assertive? Where does one's sexual assertiveness come from?
And what is being done to protect adolescents' sexual rights?
To be sure, there are at least two forms of sexual assertiveness. One involves communicating one's sexual needs and desires. Even many adults have
inhibitions about asserting their sexual desires openly and clearly. And even in the most loving and caring relationships, asking for what you want
can be hard: What if your partner perceives a request as a threat or a criticism? What if the request simply is too embarrassing to make out loud?
These skills, however, are merely supplementary to a second form of sexual assertiveness, which is reflected in the understanding that it is not okay
for anyone to touch or kiss you when you do not want it, that you do not have to have sex if you do not want to, and that you need not be pressured
into doing anything sexually with which you are not comfortable. These beliefs and, indeed, the skills required to act on them are invariably rooted
in how we feel about ourselves and our bodies, and how we allow others to treat us on a day-to-day basis. To be "assertive" means to pursue one's
goals or to state with assurance and self-confidence.
Sexual assertiveness means recognizing the warning signs of inappropriate sexual advances and potentially controlling, abusive relationships,
and having the sense of empowerment and the skills to say no. It means having the right to receive a comprehensive education about sexuality,
one that educates about all options and that bolsters all necessary skills. And for those who choose to be sexually active, it means having the
right to protect themselves against the risk of pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Unquestionably, being sexually assertive
is a difficult and complicated skill to acquire, particularly for teenagers. But in today's world, young people's lives may depend on it.
References (To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)
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Ford-Gilboe, M., Wuest, J., Varcoe, C., Davies, L., Merritt-Gray, M., Campbell, J., & Wilk, P. (2009). Modeling the effects of intimate partner violence and access to resources on women's health in the early years after leaving an abusive partner. Soc Sci Med, 68(6), 1021-1029.
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Naeem, F., Irfan, M., Zaidi, Q. A., Kingdon, D., & Ayub, M. (2008). Angry wives, abusive husbands: Relationship between domestic violence and psychosocial variables. Womens Health Issues, 18(6), 453-462.
Raj, A., Reed, E., Welles, S. L., Santana, M. C., & Silverman, J. G. (2008). Intimate partner violence perpetration, risky sexual behavior, and STI/HIV diagnosis among heterosexual African American men. Am J Mens Health, 2(3), 291-295.
Wright, M. O., Crawford, E., & Del Castillo, D. (2009). Childhood emotional maltreatment and later psychological distress among college students: The mediating role of maladaptive schemas. Child Abuse Negl, 33(1), 59-68.
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