For the first 4 or 5 years, parents are the most important contributor. When children start school, teachers and friends become important. Once they reach adolescents, peer groups begin playing a greater role in steering a child's self-esteem.

The more positive their self-esteem was before adolescents, the easier it will be for them to resist negative peer group pressures.

Here are some things you can do to build a child's self-esteem:

1. Value each child as an individual with unique strengths, needs, interests, and skills.
2. Focus on the child’s strengths. Emphasize and celebrate his “islands of competence.”
3. Reject the child’s behavior, but never reject the child. Use affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding (“Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV and make the bed.”).
4. Remember that sincere interest can be more effective and meaningful than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in the child's activities, hobbies, etc.
5. Establish realistic, achievable goals for the child. Anticipate success.
6. Avoid using sarcasm with kids; children with language problems often misinterpret it.
7. When discussing an issue or a problem, avoid bringing up past difficulties.
8. Never compare one child to another.
9. Help the child develop decision-making and problem-solving skills.
10. Understand that mistakes are an inevitable (and valuable) part of any learning experience. Use mistakes as an opportunity to teach and assist.
11. Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure success, mastery, and retention.
12. Maintain a file of the child's academic work. Use this to demonstrate the child's progress and development when he or she is feeling down.
13. Encourage the child to maintain “collections” (e.g., baseball cards, stamps, rocks, etc.). This allows him or her to be the resident expert on a topic.
14. If the child does not participate in team sports, promote individual sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will provide opportunities for success, exercise, and peer interaction.
15. Communicate the confidence in the child and in his or her future.
16. Permit and encourage the child to follow the normal fads of his or her peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will enhance the child's acceptance at school and in the community.
17. Emphasize the positive aspects of the child's behavior or performance, even if the task was not completely successful. Reward direction, not perfection.
18. Anticipate that the child will have plateaus, failures, backslides, setbacks, and regressions. Support and encourage him at these times. Kids need love most when they deserve it least.
19. Look for opportunities to offer him choices to allow him to practice decision-making skills.
20. Never communicate disappointment to the child. The disappointment of an adult may be too great a burden for a child to carry.