Codependency - The Family Illness
Codependency, also spelled "co-dependency" - either way, there are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser. A number of attributes can be developed as a result of those conditions.
However, over the years, codependency has expanded into a definition which describes a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving developed during childhood by family rules.
One of many definitions of codependency is: a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress. Mmaladaptive refers to a person's inability to develop behaviors which get needs met. Ccompulsive behaviors are where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave. The ssources of great emotional pain and stress in the family or couple are usually chemical dependency, chronic mental illness, chronic physical illness, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, divorce, hypercritical or a non-loving environment.
As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment.
Even when a codependent person encounters someone with healthy boundaries, the codependent person still operates in their own system; they’re not likely to get too involved with people who have healthy boundaries. This of course creates problems that continue to recycle; if codependent people can’t get involved with people who have healthy behaviors and coping skills, then the problems continue into each new relationship.
For people with codependency, individual counseling can teach assertiveness, listening, and communication. Counseling can help you become more aware of non-helpful actions/behaviors, and work with you on developing new, healthier coping skills.
In the case of codependency though, counseling only helps if the counselor is aware of their own tendency towards codependence, or if the counselor has some understanding about the addictive push in our society. Counselors, in the case of codependency, need to present good boundary setting and healthy living themselves during sessions with clients. If a counselor develops a working relationship with a client that has codependent qualities, again, the pattern is repeated, and therapy may not be as helpful. Some statistics show 50-80% of counselors have not addressed their own codependency issues. So one must be careful in choosing a counselor for this kind of support.
References (To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)
Eigen, L., & Rowden, D. (1996). Section 1: Research - A Methodology and current estimate of the number of children of alcoholics in the United States.
In S. Abbott (Ed.). Children of alcoholics: Selected readings, (pp. 1-22), Rockville, MD: National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACoA).
Ellis, D. A., Zucker, R. A., & Fitzgerald, H. E. (1997). The role of family influences in development and risk. Alcohol Health and Research World, 21(3), 218-225.
Finn, P. R., & Justus, A. (1997). Physiological responses in sons of alcoholics. Alcohol Health and Research World, 21(3), 227-231.
Jacob, Theodore; Johnson, Sheri (1997). Parenting Influences on the Development of Alcohol Abuse and Dependence. Alcohol Health and Research World, 21(3), 204-209.
Moos, R. H., & Billinop, A. B. (1982). Children of alcoholics during the recovery process: Alcoholic and matched control families.
Addictive Behaviors, 7(2), 115-164.
Schoenborn, C. A. (1991). Exposure to alcoholism in the family: United States, 1988. Advance Data, 30(205), 1-13.
Windle, M. (1997). Concepts and issues in COA research. Alcohol Health and Research World, 21(3), 185-191.
Zucker, R. A., Kincaid, S. B., Fitzgerald, H. E., & Bingham, R. (1995). Alcohol schema acquisition in preschoolers: Differences between children of alcoholics
and children of nonalcoholics. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 19(4), 1011-1017.
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