The way you fight can often reveals more about your relationship than what you fight about. If done correctly, conflict and healthy, fair fighting, can strengthen your marriage.

Couples counseling can be extremely helpful in teaching couples how to fight fairly, but you'll still have to do the work. The following are some simple guidelines that can turbo-charge your couples counseling sessions:

• If you are angry about something and don't try to talk about it with your spouse within 48 hours, let it go.
• Don't let little things that bother you build up to the point where one of you explodes and the issue becomes a large fight.
• Keep an argument between the two of you and don't bring in third parties like your friends or family.
• If your spouse doesn't want to discuss a subject, set an appointment within the next 24 hours to discuss it.
• Don't bring up past history.
• Fighting fair means you know what the issue is and you both stick to the subject.
• Don't be verbally abusive by hitting below the emotional belt.
• Avoid name calling, sarcasm a condescending tone.
• Make an extra effort to listen to one another while you fight. Do this by watching body language and looking at one another while you speak.
• Don't interrupt during your argument.
• Be careful if you use humor. Laughter is good, but teasing can be misinterpreted during a disagreement.
• Don't blame one another or make accusations.
• If possible, try to holding hands while talking during an argument. This can be a valuable experiment in de-escalation.
• Use 'I' statements instead of 'you' sentences.
• Be open to asking for forgiveness and being willing to forgive.

All couples have disagreements. It's not knowing how to effectively argue that creates difficulty in a relationship. If you need help, get it. Couples counseling can help you to learn conflict management skills, a sense of fairness, how to communicate effectively, and an ability to listen.

References
(To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)