Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender parents have some of the most planned for children in the world. Adopted babies,
after all, are never (or rarely) begotten by whim, accident or even a conscious decision to skip the birth control.
Of course, if you've been in a heterosexual relationship, you may have had children the old-fashioned way.
But if you're part of a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender couple, or are a single person setting out to form a
family of your own, you may face many more decisions than your mom or dad ever did.
Any gay or lesbian parent who has woken six times in the night to help a baby get back to sleep knows that good parenting
is something that emerges from a place far more basic than one's sexual orientation. It comes from the heart, and the
heart cares little about issues of "identity."
Yet conservative religious groups and lawmakers continue to campaign against gay and lesbian parenting, above all,
against gay and lesbian's ability to adopt. They have tried, and in some cases succeeded, to use state laws and other pressures to
restrict gay and lesbian's ability to adopt children who need a home. The result: In some states, gay and lesbian
people can adopt, and in some states they cannot. Moreover, whether a gay or lesbian couple can adopt within any
particular state may depend upon what county they happen to live in, what judge they happen to get and whether they
happen to be seeking to adopt as an individual or as a couple.
Despite all the controversy and confusion fueled by varying state laws and county practices, however, the good news is
that a growing number of gay and lesbian individuals and couples have adopted in recent years. In fact, the American
Academy of Pediatrics, American Psychological Association, Child Welfare League of America, North American Council on
Adoptable Children and other important child welfare organizations have supported gay and lesbian's desire to do so.
States that are considered open to adoption by gay and lesbian people are not necessarily open to it in every county
because county judges make the final adoption decision and their opinions may vary. Similarly, some have been open
to second-parent adoptions but not adoption of a child from an agency. Currently, approximately half of the United States
have counties that have adoption by gay and lesbian parents.
A county judge makes the ultimate decision about whether to grant an adoption based on what he or she determines to be
the "best interest" of the child, and judges have different opinions on this score, not only from one state to another
but sometimes from one county to another (unless, as in New Jersey, a state policy or law forbids discrimination on the
basis of sexual orientation.)
Adoption by gay and lesbian people also continues to be a politically charged issue that is fiercely attacked by
conservative groups. As a result, the law is rapidly changing. In some states, bills are being introduced to ban
adoption by gay and lesbian people at the same time that other states are repealing old bans.
The most important consideration when someone is adopting a child should be what type of parent he or she will be,
and sexual orientation shouldn't even enter the equation. If we all continue to push for equal rights,
the trend towards equal adoption rights for all will continue.
Randi Fredricks
has a Doctorate in Naturopathy and a Masters in Psychology. She runs her own natural health business,
All Things Well,
and counsels clients at her office in San Jose, California. You can reach her at 800-957-5655 or
contact her online. This article is taken partially or in whole from Randi Fredricks' book
Healing & Wholeness: Complementary and Alternative Therapies for
Mental Health. Copyright © 2008. All rights reserved.
No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems.
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