For nearly three decades, it has been known that homosexuality is not a mental illness. Medical and mental health
professionals also now know that sexual orientation is not a choice and cannot be altered.
Groups and individuals who try to change
the sexual orientation of people through so-called conversion therapy are misguided and run the risk of causing a
great deal of psychological harm to those they say they are trying to help.
There are several theories that describe the sexual orientation development of gay and lesbian individuals. Because
people are unique and everyone has his or her own story, no one theory describes all people.
In 1979,Vivian Cass identified six stages that many gay and lesbians go through when dealing with their own sexual
orientation. These
stages have been widely accepted by professionals and gay men and women alike. They include:
- Identity Awareness. The point when the child or adolescent begins to realize he or she has feelings that are
different from others and different from what they have been taught.
- Identity Comparison. The individual begins to explore his or her feelings alone and to compare them to the beliefs
of society, parents, and peers.
- Identity Tolerance. During this stage, the individual will often rebel against his or her feelings and attempt to
deny them. After all, nobody wants to be gay in a straight world.
- Identity Acceptance. After realizing that sexuality is a part of who they are, they begin to embrace it, explore
their feelings and desires, and start to find a place in the world where they are accepted and belong.
- Identity Pride. Often involves anger toward parents, society, religion, or other aspects of the world that tells
them that they are bad, wrong, immoral, or mentally ill merely because their feelings are directed toward the same sex.
They embrace the ‘homosexual lifestyle’ and explore their newfound sexuality. It is during this stage that the gay or
lesbian may start fighting against what society has taught them.
- Identity Synthesis. The final stage in which homosexuality becomes a part of who they are rather than the defining
factor. Instead of being a gay man or lesbian, they begin to see themselves as parents, employees, leaders, teachers,
supervisors, coaches, and volunteers who just happen to be gay. In the final stage, they are able to accept themselves
more wholly rather than seeing their sexuality as separate from the rest of who they are.
When gay and lesbians seek counseling, it's important for the therapist to understand where they are in terms of their sexuality. Those
attempting to convert to a ‘straight lifestyle’ are likely in stage two or three. They have not yet accepted themselves
as gay and have not likely experienced friendship and love from others who know their sexual orientation.
Since sexuality is often present at the onset of adolescence, research has shown that it is
not real amenable to change. Individuals who return to a straight life after changing their sexual behavior due to a
trauma such as rape were likely not gay in the first place.
Those in stages four and five are likely trying to reinvent themselves with this newfound acceptance. They may be seeking
out gay friends, engaging in sexual behaviors less discriminately, or ‘shouting it from the mountain tops,’ so to speak.
They have accepted their sexuality but have not yet learned to integrate this aspect of their life into their sense of
self.
In treatment, the strength these individuals feel should be embraced and treatment should be focused on what they
can do, not to make the world accept them, but to show the world that they are worthy of acceptance. In other words, gay
parades, demonstrations, email campaigns to congress, are all worthy efforts, but so is living an honest life, helping
other people, sharing, loving, and being a friend.
Individuals in stage six are often seen as no different from most clients we see in therapy. They have accepted their
sexuality, have developed relationships, and don’t see ‘gay’ as the issue, but rather as one of the many issues they
deal with in an imperfect world. Being gay is often seen in a positive light. They can now begin to give back to others,
become a mentor, volunteer, run for office, or otherwise use their whole self as a means to make the world a better place.
Randi Fredricks
has a Doctorate in Naturopathy and a Masters in Psychology. She runs her own natural health business,
All Things Well,
and counsels clients at her office in San Jose, California. You can reach her at 800-957-5655 or
contact her online. This article is taken partially or in whole from Randi Fredricks' book
Healing & Wholeness: Complementary and Alternative Therapies for
Mental Health. Copyright © 2008. All rights reserved.
No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems.
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