Groups and individuals who try to change the sexual orientation of people through so-called conversion therapy are misguided and run the risk of causing a great deal of psychological harm to those they say they are trying to help.

There are several theories that describe the sexual orientation development of gay and lesbian individuals. Because people are unique and everyone has his or her own story, no one theory describes all people. In 1979,Vivian Cass identified six stages that many gay and lesbians go through when dealing with their own sexual orientation. These stages have been widely accepted by professionals and gay men and women alike. They include:

1. Identity Awareness. The point when the child or adolescent begins to realize he or she has feelings that are different from others and different from what they have been taught.
2. Identity Comparison. The individual begins to explore his or her feelings alone and to compare them to the beliefs of society, parents, and peers.
3. Identity Tolerance. During this stage, the individual will often rebel against his or her feelings and attempt to deny them. After all, nobody wants to be gay in a straight world.
4. Identity Acceptance. After realizing that sexuality is a part of who they are, they begin to embrace it, explore their feelings and desires, and start to find a place in the world where they are accepted and belong.
5. Identity Pride. Often involves anger toward parents, society, religion, or other aspects of the world that tells them that they are bad, wrong, immoral, or mentally ill merely because their feelings are directed toward the same sex. They embrace the ‘homosexual lifestyle’ and explore their newfound sexuality. It is during this stage that the gay or lesbian may start fighting against what society has taught them.
6. Identity Synthesis. The final stage in which homosexuality becomes a part of who they are rather than the defining factor. Instead of being a gay man or lesbian, they begin to see themselves as parents, employees, leaders, teachers, supervisors, coaches, and volunteers who just happen to be gay. In the final stage, they are able to accept themselves more wholly rather than seeing their sexuality as separate from the rest of who they are.

Those in stages four and five are likely trying to reinvent themselves with this newfound acceptance. They may be seeking out gay friends, engaging in sexual behaviors less discriminately, or ‘shouting it from the mountain tops,’ so to speak. They have accepted their sexuality but have not yet learned to integrate this aspect of their life into their sense of self.

In treatment, the strength these individuals feel should be embraced and treatment should be focused on what they can do, not to make the world accept them, but to show the world that they are worthy of acceptance. In other words, gay parades, demonstrations, email campaigns to congress, are all worthy efforts, but so is living an honest life, helping other people, sharing, loving, and being a friend.

Individuals in stage six are often seen as no different from most clients we see in therapy. They have accepted their sexuality, have developed relationships, and don’t see ‘gay’ as the issue, but rather as one of the many issues they deal with in an imperfect world. Being gay is often seen in a positive light. They can now begin to give back to others, become a mentor, volunteer, run for office, or otherwise use their whole self as a means to make the world a better place.

References
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