Counseling LGBTQI Couples
By Dr. Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.
Our society is just beginning to acknowledge gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals, but we are a long way from acceptance.
Now, more than ever, LGBTQI relationships are being scrutinized for their merit, and civil liberties are being debated.
As if life isn't stressful enough, gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals must contend with the hate-filled rhetoric of
those who would condemn them for who they are. It's easy to understand why so many people in the LGBTQI community struggle
with issues of chemical dependency, self-worth, and what it means to be in a committed relationship.
Gay couples have many of the same issues that heterosexual couples have, but unfortunately, there are also some major
differences in same-sex relationships that can put additional stressors on these relationships.
Partners in same-sex relationships must deal with the stress of homophobia, society’s widespread fear and
condemnation of their sexual orientation. Partners are often left feeling isolated and unable to talk with support
networks about their situations
Same-sex relationships involve similar gender socialization histories - this can serve as a commonality and
connection but it can also create difficulties
Internalized homophobia occurs when individuals internalize the negative messages from culture and believe
that heterosexuality is preferable. It greatly impacts their self-esteem and ability to be happy due to their own
fears and guilt about being gay
Having to be discreet or silent about their relationships in certain situations leads couples to
associate hidden with bad
Non-romantic relationships with others can be affected because of others’ reluctance or fear about being
in a relationship with a gay person
Gay couples are affected on a daily basis with issues that heterosexuals do not have to face such
as coming out, job discrimination, hate remarks, and societal condemnation.
Before beginning any treatment with a LGBTQI client, a therapist has the responsibility of making sure he or she is well
versed on issues related to sexuality, has the skills necessary to create a positive and nonjudgmental environment,
and will not feel uncomfortable discussing issues related to homosexuality.
Couples therapy should be treated no different than marital therapy, aside from the obvious legal and social issues.
Any bias a therapist has will be very difficult to hide when dealing with relationship issues with a gay or lesbian
client. Their relationships should be treated with the same legitimacy as any committed relationship, and the therapist
should be aware that like any sexual relationship, their may be intimacy concerns, fidelity issues, children, parents,
and other issues that may be a part of treatment.
References (To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)
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Bradford, J., Honnold, J. A., & Ryan, C. C. (1997). Disclosure of sexual orientation in survey research on women. Journal of the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association, 1(3), 169-177.
Carroll, N., Linde, R., Mayer, K., Lara, A. M., & Bradford, J. (1999). Developing a lesbian health research program: Fenway Community Health Center’s
experience and evolution. Journal of the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association, 3(4), 145-152.
Descamps, M., Rothblum, E., Bradford, J., & Ryan, C. C. (2000). Mental health impact of child sexual abuse, rape, intimate partner violence
and hate crimes in the National Lesbian Health Care Survey. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 11(1), 27-55.
Evans, N. J., & D'Augelli, A. R. (1995). Lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people in college. In R. C. Savin-Williams & K. M. Cohen (Eds.),
The lives of lesbians, gays, and bisexuals (pp. 201-226). New York: Harcourt Brace.
Hershberger, S. L., & D'Augelli, A. R. (1995). The impact of victimization on the mental health and suicidality of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth.
Developmental Psychology, 31, 65-74.
Quam, J. K. (2001). Building a virtual community for older lesbians. Outword, 7(4), 3-7.
Ryan, C. C., Bradford, J., Honnold, J. A. (1999). Social workers‘ and counselors’ understanding of lesbians’ needs. The Journal of Gay and Lesbian Social Services, 9(4), 1-26.
Swann, S. K., & Anastas, J. W. (2003). Dimensions of lesbian identity during adolescence and young adulthood. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, 15(1/2), 109-125.
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