The Hazards of Rebound Relationships
By Dr. Randi Fredricks, Ph.D.
A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a romantic relationship. Sometimes people begin a new relationship
before ending a current one, and that can be a type of rebound relationship as well. In that type of situation, the person tends to
distance themselves from their original partner. Some relationship experts think that if you move quickly from a long lasting relationship
into another relationship, you are probably in a rebound relationship. But what is too quick?
Rebound relationships can help to serve a purpose, providing that a person isn't always jumping from one relationship to another.
Sometimes a rebound relationship can be a distraction in a good way. It can be helpful, primarily because it is a connection to another person
that helps to soothe some of the emotional pain caused by the resent break-up. Some experts claim that a rebound relationship is a
misguided attempt to move on with life, but others see it as having the courage to move on with life.
While many people will jump back into the dating scene because they fear being alone, some go the opposite route and start to isolate for fear of
being hurt again. One way to tell if a rebound relationship is doing you more harm than good is to ask yourself what you're getting out of
the relationship. Additionally, let your thoughts tell you how you feel.
You might want to question if you're ready for a new relationship
if you spend more time focusing on the old relationship because you have unanswered questions, because you still hurt from some of the
experiences you went through, and because you haven't taken the time that your mind and your heart needs to work through the painful
emotions you're still feeling.
When you're in a rebound relationship, you know you're in trouble when you spend a significant amount of time focusing on your previous relationship.
Focusing on what could have been, what went wrong, wondering if you did the right thing in splitting up and lots more besides.
All the time you focus on your old relationship you are draining the potential of your current one to be successful.
The brightest part of a rebound relationship is that it reminds us that we are still capable of having a relationship and being cared for.
The darker side of a rebound relationship happens because we are so lonely and hurt from our previous relationship that we overlook flaws in the new person
that would otherwise be obvious flaws and even outright danger signs. This is why confidence artists look for people who are vulnerable to
run a scam on.
References (To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)
Fisher, B. (2001). Rebuilding workbook: When your relationship ends. New York: Impact.
Spielmann, S. S., Macdonald, G., & Wilson, A. E. (2009). On the rebound: focusing on someone new helps anxiously attached individuals let go of
ex-partners. Pers Soc Psychol Bull, 35(10),1382-1394.
Tauber, E. M., & Smoke, J.(2007). Finding the right one after divorce: Avoiding the 13 common mistakes people make in remarriage.
New York: Harvest House.
San Jose Therapy Counseling Psychotherapy psychotherapist therapist
