Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Self-Esteem


The opposite of low self-esteem is not high self-esteem or good self-esteem. These terms suggest that in order to feel good about themselves, people must believe that they are very competent or successful, and people who do not feel this way are doomed to suffer from low self-esteem.

Self-acceptance has two major components: 1) Recognizing and enjoying your strengths and successes, and 2) Recognizing, being comfortable with, and not berating yourself for weaknesses, mistakes, and failures. Self-acceptance is not incompatible with trying to do better. People can accept themselves as they are right now and still strive to be more competent and successful in the future.

Of course it's okay to have ups and downs in your feelings, but having low self-esteem isn't a good feeling. Feeling like you're not important can make you sad and can keep you from trying new things. It can keep you from making friends or hurt how you do at work or school. Having strong self-esteem is also a very big part of life.

As we get older and face tough decisions - especially under peer pressure - the more self-esteem we have, the better. It's important to know our self-worth. If you think you might have low self-esteem, try talking to a counselor you trust about it. He or she may be able to help you come up with some good ideas for building your self-esteem.

Cognitive behavior therapy techniques are helpful and teach you to re-arrange your thought patterns that result in low self-esteem. Cognitive behavior therapy techniques are especially helpful in re aligning, re-arranging and changing unhealthy behavior and thought patterns. These techniques are based on the assumption that your feelings and behavior result from how you think about yourself and the life you lead. These techniques help you because they teach you to recognize, challenge and in the end replace negative thoughts with more positive, realistic thoughts. Here are a few things that you can try to increase your self-esteem:

  • Make a list of the stuff you're good at. It can be anything from drawing or singing to playing a sport or telling a good joke. If you're having trouble with your list, ask a friend to help you with it. Then add a few things to the list that you'd like to be good at. Your frirnds can help you plan a way to work on those skills or talents.
  • Give yourself three compliments every day. Don't just say, "I'm so great." Be specific about something good about yourself, like, "I was a good friend to Bill today" or "I did better on that test than I thought I would." While you're at it, before you go to bed every night, list three things in your day that really made you happy.
  • Remember that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it is. If you are worried about your weight or size, you can check with your doctor to make sure that things are okay. Remind yourself of things about your body that you like.
  • Remind yourself that there are things about yourself you can't change. You should accept and love these things - such as skin color and shoe size - because they are part of you.
  • When you hear negative comments in your head, tell yourself to stop. When you do this, you take the power away from the voice inside that discourages you.
By focusing on the good things you do and all your great qualities, you learn to love and accept yourself - the main ingredients for strong self-esteem. Even if you've got room for improvement - and who doesn't - realizing that you're valuable and important helps your self-esteem to shine.

References
(To view, roll mouse over the "References" heading; to hide, click on the heading)


Randi Fredricks is a Naturopathic Psychotherapist with a Doctorate in Naturopathy and a Masters in Psychology. She sees clients at her office in San Jose, California. She can be reached at 408-315-0645 or you can contact her online. This article is an excerpt from Randi Fredricks' book Healing & Wholeness: Complementary and Alternative Therapies for Mental Health. Copyright © 2008. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems.






Randi Fredricks, LMFT     ♦     1711 Hamilton Ave Suite A, San Jose, California, 95125     ♦     408-315-0645

Contact Randi Online

This site does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment and is intended for informational purposes only. No therapeutic relationship
is established by the use of this site. Randi Fredricks is a Coach and Licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist MFC 47803 and not licensed
with the California Medical Board or the Bureau of Naturopathic Medicine. © 2001-2010 Randi Fredricks. All rights reserved.
Medical Disclaimer and Copyright