Sexual addiction exacts a devastating toll on marriages and romantic relationships. Spouses and significant others need support and healing to address the range of emotions and difficult experiences caused by being in relationship with a sex addict.

For the relationship partner of a sexual addict, it can be a painful process experiencing the powerlessness of the addict's out-of-control behavior. Whether the partner is male or female or the relationship is heterosexual, gay or lesbian, the dynamics are the same. That is, the partner may not know what the addict is involved in, but she does know something is amiss. (For simplicity, "he" will be used in referring to the sexual addict and "she" when referring to the partner.) If the partner tries to discuss her feelings of uncertainty and confusion with the addict, he will probably steadfastly deny that anything is happening. Often the addict will tell his partner that she's imagining things, that everything's all right. The primary dynamic here is a denial of her feelings.

If, on the other hand, she has through one means or another found out that the addict is acting out sexually and confronts him, the addict may attack his partner, telling her that if she was not so (demanding, withholding, out of touch with the times, etc.) there would be no problem. The primary dynamic here is that she's somehow to blame for his behavior. Either way, nothing changes. Most partners describe these processes as "making me feel crazy."

Since the disease of sexual addiction is, like any addiction, progressive, that is, it gets more time-consuming and costly as time goes by, eventually the secret life of the sexual addict is discovered or uncovered and the couple experiences a tremendous crisis. Often, the sexual addict will then enter a period of extreme remorse, beg for forgiveness, and promise never to act out again. His promises at the time are probably sincere and most co-addicts want to believe the words. A honeymoon period may follow, including intense sexual activity between the two people. Since, for the co-addict, sex is often a sign of love, she may be lulled into believing everything is really all right, offer forgiveness and bind up her wounded spirit and go on. She is later shattered to discover the unaccounted for time and secrecy has returned.

It is important to recognize that not only her partner has a disease and has developed an irrational way of living and being, but that she, the co-addict, has as well. Each person will need help in erasing or ameliorating the dysfunctional messages they learned during childhood and adolescence that predisposed him/her to their respective diseases and the unfortunate consequences of the addictions. If is important for the co-addict to get help because research shows that even when a co-addict leaves a relationship, she almost always picks someone else similar in characteristics to the last partner.

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