The goal of my Assertiveness Training training is to increase the number and variety of situations in which assertive behavior is possible, and decrease occasions of passive collapse or hostile blow-up.

You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated. Beyond just demanding your rights, you can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously, you can talk about yourself without being self-conscious, you can accept compliments comfortably, you can disagree with someone openly, you can ask for clarification, and you can say no. In short, when you are an assertive person, you can be more relaxed in interpersonal situations.

Some people think that assertiveness training turns nice people into irascible complainers or calculating manipulators. Not so. It's your right to protect yourself when something seems unfair. You are the one who best knows your discomfort and your needs.

Research has shown that people who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe that they have a right to their feelings, beliefs, or opinions. In the deepest sense, they reject the idea that we are created equal and are to treat each other as equals. As a result, they can't find grounds for objecting to exploitation or mistreatment. It is likely that they learned as children traditional assumptions that implied that their perceptions, opinions, feelings and wants were less important or correct than those of others. They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance.

You did not have as much choice about which traditional assumptions you were taught as a child. Now, however, you have the option of deciding whether to continue behaving according to assumptions that keep you from being an assertive adult. Each of these mistaken assumptions violates one of your legitimate rights as an adult:

The following are some of the limiting beliefs I look at with my Assertiveness Training:

• It is selfish to put your needs before others' needs.
• It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have an appropriate response for every occasion.
• If you can't convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then they must be wrong, or maybe you are going crazy.
• You should respect the views of others, especially if they are in a position of authority. Keep your differences of opinion to yourself. Listen and learn
• You should always try to be logical and consistent.
• You should be flexible and adjust. Others have good reasons for their actions and it's not polite to question them.
• You should never interrupt people. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others
• Things could even get worse, don't rock the boat.
• You shouldn't take up others' valuable time with your problems
• People don't want to hear that you feel bad, so keep it to yourself
• When someone takes the time to give you advice, you should take it very seriously. They are often right
• Knowing that you did something well is its own reward. People don't like show-offs. Successful people are secretly disliked and envied. Be modest when complimented.